Mummy, I Am Your Reflection Even As A Mother

While I was pregnant I waited eagerly for my baby, it was then that I realised how my mother would have felt when she was pregnant. Later when I gave birth to my daughter, I could actually understand how much my mother loved me.

Obviously I always knew that she loves me a lot but I did not know how she felt about me.

Now when I look at my daughter and I know what I feel for her, I can feel my mother’s love for me.

Seems funny but ever since then there have been many instances when I felt I am just like my mother. To list a few, I feel I am just like my mother when:

1. I set breakfast for my daughter and my husband in the morning. I make my daughter eat, and say goodbye to them when they leave together. Later I come back to the table, put all the half eaten pieces of toast from my little daughter’s plate (1.5 years old, goes to a day care) into my plate, clean the table and out of sheer laziness, drink the “almost” cold tea with toast. I remember, I have seen my mother doing the same. I did not like it and I still don’t like doing the same myself but it simply happens, two apple slices left, where should I keep them??? Oh yes! My mouth. I mean if I will keep stacking the food she leaves, I will have numerous small bowls in the refrigerator that I won’t give her again and so will get waste. I think it is better to eat and finish. Wrong or right… I don’t know

2. I keep staring and smiling at my daughter when she does funny things in front of the mirror. Yes, that happens. She often picks up my dupatta and God knows what she does but she looks adorable, like a little angel, I keep looking at her wondering if I have ever seen someone so beautiful and I keep smiling. I remember I have seen my mother doing the same. I used to get conscious when she looked at me and smiled almost all the time. This mostly happened as far as I remember when I applied lipstick for the first time, tried any new dress that was “in” or simply tried a new hair style. I sometimes thought that she was smiling to make fun of me but she was not, it was only out of love. I remember her smiling the same way when I tried my wedding lehenga for the first time and when I reached the venue from the parlour on my wedding day, she had the same smile on her face and now I understand what that smile meant.

3. I buy numerous new clothes and shoes for my daughter and show up at events in almost the same four-five dresses and same pair of shoes myself. This is not because I am trying to save money but because every time I go shopping I end up buying stuff for her only. I have showed up on events with a thick thick eyebrow with stray hair, very bad upper lip growth and I can’t remember when I got my last facial. These are not complaints, I don’t really care, I just feel so beautiful the way I am. If she is dressed in best, I feel I look good and I have seen my mother doing the same. I can count on my fingers the number of sarees she had to wear on special occasions, and I had never seen her asking for one or buying one for herself. Though I have seen my Dad gifting her a saree sometimes. I thought she did not care how she looked… I was so wrong, new clothes was not what she wished, her smart kids she loved :)She felt beautiful, just the way I do.

4. I often use the corner of my dupatta to wipe her nose, clean her hands or wipe that extra food from her face… why? because I forgot to take a towel and who will go to the different room all over again to get it. Dupatta is good 😛 I have definitely seen my mother doing the same.

The pallu of her saree was my face towel. She has wiped my hands with it and I remember wiping my face deliberately with it because it was the softest thing ever.

5. I worry about her a lot… I try my very best to keep her safe. In fact I go beyond limits, sometimes, I don’t even let my husband hold her while standing in the balcony because I feel what if she gives a sudden jerk, how will he hold her. This is silly, my husband is her father and he is way more careful and responsible than me but I just can’t help it. I have seen my mother doing the same.My mother never ever let me cook anything like pooris, pakodis, or anything that involved use of a lot of oil… Why? because she was scared, she thought I was too clumsy to handle it. Guess what she still thinks the same. Almost once a week she calls me to talk about the same safety measures, “don’t open the door without checking from the peephole, be very careful when you are deep frying anything, try using the lift instead of stairs you used to keep stumbling on the stairs as a child..” and the list goes on. Now that I have her grand daughter 🙂 she is even more worried.

There are a lot more things that happen everyday, every moment that make me feel I am just like my mother. How do I feel about it? AMAZING!! She is the cutest person on Earth yet she is the strongest person I have ever come across in my life. She has faced a lot of difficult times in life and I have never seen her giving up.

I have never seen her getting weak, I have always seen her giving hope. She is generous, she is kind, she is beautiful… One can see a number of street dogs waiting outside our house or walking after her whenever she goes out because no matter what she never forgets to feed them, scold them, talk to them with love and smile at them. She has taught us important lessons in life, she is my friend, my first best friend, my strength, my philosopher. And if I am becoming even a percent like what she is, I will be the luckiest. If I am becoming like her then I am sure that I will be a good mother just like her.

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