Ever Heard of the term ‘Love Bombing’? Chances are most of you might have not heard about it or might not be clear what it exactly is.
Let us start with a basic definition. Love bombing is a term sometimes used in association with cults and in association with really manipulative relationships where somebody will come on to a person. Just love them up. Overwhelm them with love and care. They would love you and show that they madly love everything about you, like really sweep you off your feet until your feet leave the ground. AND THEN THEY FLIP ON YOU. As soon as they have got you, as soon as you have surrendered your heart, they turn on you and start to criticize everything you do. They start to take a complete list of things you do, think or say and criticize you, tear you down in every way to control and dominate you.
They would make you feel, Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! and Then Bang!!! They tear you down where you want it back so bad and you have lost your identity and you want that acceptance again. It is basically a highly manipulative control mechanism.
Now this happens a lot of times, especially when two people are romantically related or married. We often hear people say, ‘I know he loves me. He loves me a lot and he cared for me so much. Something must have changed and he is no more the same person. He does not like any of the things I do or any of the decisions I take.’ Even worse, many women feel that there is something wrong with them, with their looks, and they totally loose their self confidence and their sense of self worth.
Signs that you have been love bombed:
- It happens like a storm. This person enters your life and loves everything about you. He would care for you, you will be his first priority. Everything happens fast and he would talk how you are perfect for him, or his soulmate and once you are “his” and he knows that now you are madly in love with him, he will turn on you and the criticism will start followed with tearing down your confidence beyond repair.
- Even before you realize your partner will abruptly begin using manipulative ways to make you live your life his way. And the worst part that these turns or flips will be so sudden that you will be left hurt and confused. They would lash out on you for absolutely no reason and blame you for an argument.
- Their demands and expectations are unreasonable and unrealistic. ‘DO as I say, why do you argue so much!’ ‘Why do you react? I might share my opinion but you should not react!’ In case of Indian Marriages, ‘Let Mom/ Parents say what they want, just do what they say. Don’t share your opinion.’
- If you’ve told him about your worries or any insecurity in your life, they’ll use that to prey on you as a form of psychological abuse. MERCILESSLY. Every time you will have an argument or you would try to take a stand for yourself, he will use your insecurities against you. Example: ‘See because of this behaviour of yours, you lost your job.’
- Love. Abuse. Love. Repeat. This is the cycle of a love bomber. He would shower you with love and care, he will tear down your confidence, make you feel worthless, come back again and love you and make you apologise manipulatively and then repeat the cycle.
- They would make you feel that you deserve to be treated the way he treats you. He would do everything possible to take away your sense of self worth. ‘Haha! You sure you can handle it. I am sure you will mess up like the last time.’ ‘You are not capable of managing two things’ “not competent” “Not capable” are some phrases that you would often hear for yourself and he will say all this in way that you would feel that he really cares about you and knows you so well.
Narcissists are known for their skills at manipulation as much as their penchant for self-love. Narcissists use flattery and attention as tools to get you under their spell – they build themselves up as the perfect partner so that they will gain your trust and affection – and adoration. Narcissists also have usually learned through experience that once partners see through their facades that the relationship may be on its way to self-destruction. Once they have convinced you of how good the two of you are together, a narcissist will try to shape your role in the relationship into a member of the “supporting cast” or the “adoring fan.” Narcissists typically fail at maintaining equal and mutually healthy relationships.
Narcissists move quickly to avoid detection – and the more someone tries to flatter you into submission, the harder you need to look to explore his motives.
Love bombing is not love. It is nothing more that emotional and psychological abuse. All the love that a love bomber shows is nothing but a facade to just make you a slave and manipulate you in order to exercise excessive control on you.
If that is what you feel is happening with you, you really need to set boundaries for anyone so that they are not able to affect your self worth.
Help taken: www.psychologytoday.com