I have noticed that it is really difficult for most of the people to understand that someone can actually love being alone for a while or not socialise too much. They either judge them to be arrogant or there are a few who think that people like me who do not socialise much lack self confidence and try to help sympathetically.
As much as I respect someone’s genuine concern sometimes it does get irritating.
‘Aww dear why are you sitting alone here, come sit with everyone’ is what I get to hear every time I find a peaceful corner. To me being alone sometimes means to sit and gather my thoughts, look at the things and people around and weave new stories in my mind or even imagine a wonderful fairytale.
I like meeting people and talking to them but I also love my personal space and me time. One of my acquaintance has taken it to herself to “help” me make friends so that in the evening when I go to the park with my daughter, I don’t have to sit alone while my daughter plays with her friends.
What she sees: A lonely mom sitting on the bench looking at her daughter and her little friends.
What it actually is: A calm person, thinking about something or just enjoying some peaceful time and keeping an eye on my child that she is safe.
So without even trying to know if I am actually lonely or just enjoy sitting by myself, she said to me, ‘You know you should talk more to people, or else people will think you are arrogant. Let me introduce you to a few women. You don’t have to be lonely.’
I wanted to answer but waited and went with her to the group she was wishing to introduce me to as her help a lonely person program. Though she was surprised to know that most women in the group knew me already, and I often talk to most of them. However, my interaction with people is limited, I greet everyone with a warm smile, I ask how they are, talk a little and then get back to my work.
I feel more comfortable that way. I finally decided to convey to her that I like sitting peacefully sometimes but she thinks I am trying to avoid something or that I have some personal issues going on and that’s why I sit alone. She once mentioned, ‘ Whatever the problem is, share it.’. Not to mention that I have no problem, I am not shy, and even if there will be some problem I have my own set of friends to talk to and she is not one of them.
It is not just this woman but sometimes some of my closest people take my habit of sitting alone for a while as me being lonely or think that I am too shy to interact with people. But fortunately their assumptions are wrong, I am just this kind of person and I am all good.
I have always believed in quality and not the quantity. I have always had a few friends but each one of them is special and this is the same trait I have noticed in my child. She plays with everyone, shares her things, but when it comes to counting her friends she names only a few. I am ok with it, it’s her life.