Parenting

The Guilt We Women Live In For Following Our Dreams

I recently watched the movie ‘Tumhari Sulu’ and the only thing I could understand was the constant guilt women keep within to follow their dreams or even when they work just for the sake of the family.

A working woman, especially with kids, lives under constant pressure that she is not doing enough. Anything happens and the first response is asking whether the mother is working. Even the smallest things like once in a while giving bread jam for lunch instead of proper meal makes us feel like a failure. As if we made a big mistake.

Now a days, I would be lying if I would say that husbands don’t understand or cooperate. Things have changed for good but the guilt I am talking about is not the one given by others, it is the guilt we have developed ourselves in our forever quest to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter in law, daughter, sister, sometimes even neighbour.

We really can’t do it all without any errors, even machines can’t do that.

With time I have learnt to deal with it my way. And the simplest solution I could find out was to prioritize. I arrange tasks in the order of priority and check alternate solutions. I try to tell myself that it is okay to trip a little from the fixed routine and minor glitches are all good.

Things that I never miss:

  1. Preparing a to-do list at night before sleeping. It includes even the smallest things like ‘make the baby sit on the toilet seat for fifteen minutes’.
  2. Mention the stipulated time on every task.
  3. Reshuffle and set them on the basis of priority. There are ‘Must do things’, ‘Try to finish things’ and ‘Let’s do them the next day’ things.
  4. It took me 20 days to build this habit and life has never been easier.

I still miss out on things and even forgot to attend one of the small meet ups in my daughter’s school but I try not to be hard on myself. If I will feel guilty myself, the world will never let me live.

Working mom is given the guilt that she leaves her child alone. A stay at home mom is given the guilt that she has found the easy way out and does not contribute to the family expenses or even worse that she has totally lost connection with the constantly growing world. Work from home mom is given the guilt that her office has done a favour to her and she should be forever indebted (by the company), and (by family) if you are working you can still do all the work on your own as you are in your comfort zone. Mom with a part time or freelance job is given the guilt that she is not willing to let go or that her work is just for her time pass and holds no significance.

No matter what you do, you will always be judged and there is no end to it. The least you can do is stop judging yourself.

Miss Zesty

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